Taking Your Time

I’ve been thinking a lot about time recently, and the way in which it presents itself.

Watches, clocks, phones, alarms and even the sun itself would have you believe that time flows consistently. Ironically, it’s all relative. I’m not talking Einstein here; nor am I about to start an article on gravitational time dilation, but it is relative. It’s subjective to a certain degree.

Time ebbs and flows. It flies when you’re having fun, and slows to a crawl when you’re in the midst of a battle you’d sooner not be fighting.

We’re in March already; a month which holds a few significant dates for me. Amongst other things, tomorrow will be 2 years since I travelled for the first time. As if to prove my point, the six weeks I spent travelling through Europe felt as though they lasted a lifetime. The experience changed me. It changed a lot; not least my relationship at the time. I came back from my travels with a view of the world I didn’t have before. Everyday things became a little more mundane and pointless when compared to the journey I had just been on.

See, we use time as a benchmark for the experiences and events in life which change us. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Holidays. Dates we lost loved ones. Dates we found new loved ones. Time is so much more than a calendar year. It’s so much more than a life time. It’s the one thing humans will all invariably fall victim to. It takes time for us to come into this world, time to learn how to live in it, and time for us to eventually leave it for those whose own time has just begun.

2017 dragged as though I was pulling a truck behind me. 2018 is flying like it was born with wings. I’m not sure which scares me more.

I’ve always felt as though time is the most valuable commodity we have. You can’t buy more of it. You can’t get it back, and you can’t return it in exchange for “better time”. I’ve spent so long trying to find a way to make the most of mine that I’ve probably wasted far too much of it worrying in the first place.

Time is the one thing that is always on my mind. It’s a source of anxiety that I fail to battle against in every instance. I constantly wonder if there’s something I could be doing that’s more worthwhile. Maybe that’s why travelling is such a beautiful idea to me; it’s time spent viewing the world I’ll one day leave, so I want to see as much of it as I possibly can. Meet as many people as time will allow and see how I look back at my time just as it begins to run out.

As a result of my constant obsession with time, I can remember almost every single date of significance I’ve ever known. The date my relationships began. The date they ended. First kisses. First “I love you”s. Last “I love you”s. Dates of great joy, and overwhelming sadness.

I’ve often pondered what I would do were I granted the ability to manipulate time. I was once certain that if I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn’t. I felt this way because I was more or less happy with who time had turned me into.

More and more, I’m unsure that that’s the case. Maybe I’d go back and stop myself from saying or doing something. Maybe I’d go back and say or do something I should have.

The irony is, and as if to further prove my point, I’ve just spent the past 20 minutes writing about time and now I’m wondering how much it was worth. I think in this instance, it needed to happen. I needed to vent.

Today is Mother’s day. I know two dear friends who, due to time, didn’t have the opportunity to spend today with the one person that brought them into this world and granted them every single second they’ve ever had.

If you’re both reading this, you hopefully know who you are; I’d like to take this time to thank you both for being such good friends to me. I hope you were able to spend today looking back fondly on the time you had with your Mums. Wherever they are, I’m hopeful that they’re doing the same.

At this point, you may be wondering what the point of my words have been. I know I am.

I guess I’m saying “make the most of it, if you can”. It’s not always, if ever, that easy, but try. Time is a gift, so I’m sorry if you feel as though you wasted some of that gift reading this.

I’ll end by saying this. To those of you I once cherished, alive or dead, who are no longer in my life; I miss you. I hope the time you spent with me made you a happier person.

And to those of you I have in my life that I cherish, thank you for making my time worth spending on you. It’s a gift I am endlessly happy to share with you. I’ll be grateful for that time until mine runs out.

Love to you all.

E.